Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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