WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
