Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
