then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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