Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
