does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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