I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
