hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
