I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
