I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
