Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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