dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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