I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
