They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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