We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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