if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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