Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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