wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize