i already hear my dad disowning me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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