forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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