I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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