While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
