The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
