a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
