Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
