How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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