I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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