She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
