He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
