If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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