This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
In America we eat man semen.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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