oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
