I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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