32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
