Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
