It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
