i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
