Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
