His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize