He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
