She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
