im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
