Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
