I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
