I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
