I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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