I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
