Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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