I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
