tell your sister to shave her snatch
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
