Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
