Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
