hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
