dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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