Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
