I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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