i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
