Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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