The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
