East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel great
I just peed on a car
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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