i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize