Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
