A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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