i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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