idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
