Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
