There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
