i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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