I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize