Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
