I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
