There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
