Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
