butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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