We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
