i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
