so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
