She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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