ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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