Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think i have herpe
just one?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
