I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
