Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
