I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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