About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
